Tuesday, December 30, 2008

2008 - A Year of Releasing

Letting go is hard for me.

When I love, I love hard... to the core.

So, early on in 2008, I had to deal with "releasing" two people that I cared and loved deeply.  Pretty much around the same time.

My grandmother died Feb. 4.
Loosing my grandmother was/is... a feeling I can't describe. I know, I will always love and miss her.

When I reached out to a friend [prior to my grandma's death] for a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on; someone, who I thought would be there for me.  I had no reason to think she wouldn't.   I'd been there for her for, so many reasons, so many seasons.  NOT!!!  Her words to me still echo in my mind.  It was another blow that I just wasn't ready for.  I remember telling her, I was going to go and I hung up the phone.  I didn't call her anymore, didn't accept her phone calls...read her emails, but didn't reply.

Year 2008 was definitely a lesson in letting go and learning that not always will a person be the friend that you are to them...my grandmother, was due to death and the other two, due to circumstances...LIFE.

I was falling into a real depressed mode and I believe if it wasn't for my son and his persistence..."Come on mommy, let's go or play [insert some fun kid activity]."   I just might have crawled under that rock.  I used so much leave on the job, I couldn't take my normal week off for Xmas.  Now, I never [since giving birth to my son of 8 years] work Christmas Eve or the day after Xmas, but I'm here to tell you my butt was there!  

I don't think letting go will ever come easy for me,  no matter the circumstances.  But, I know there comes a time when you must...to grow.

I'm going to follow Adrienne's lead,  my ceremony is tomorrow.

Looking forward to 2009

Wishing you all a Happy, Healthy and Safe New Year!

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