Monday, February 4, 2008

Loosing Grandma

H. Lenell Page ~
May you rest in peace~
We will ALWAYS love you!!!

I lost my grandmother today. She'd been fighting cancer since 2005. This past friday she had a stroke; she was very weak. My grandmother didn't deserve to suffer. When I visited her Saturday, while crying a river, I prayed that God would end her pain and suffering. Although, I will truly miss her, I could no longer be selfish and pray for God to allow her to continue to fight and hang on. I "Let go and Let God". My mother, called this morning to say she had passed around 5am. I thanked God for ending her pain and suffering and taking her "home". Now, rather than asking God to strengthen my grandmother, my prayer is to ask God to strengthen my family. She was the "hub" of our family. She knew what was going on with family in Ohio, Virginia, Maryland, D.C., PA. etc.

My son was with me on Saturday and although, I don't think he understood what was taking place. He gave me a hug and said, "Mommy it's going to be okay...Grandma is going to be okay". While hugging him, I thought, not this time baby.

I debated if I should tell my him today that she passed. When I woke him up to get ready for school, I decided to wait as I didn't know how it would effect him. Itook him to school as normal.

My child was use to going to see Grandma practically every day. So, when we went straight home after picking him up from school, he asked, "Are we going to go see Grandma?" I shook my head no. That's all I could do at that point. Once we arrive home, inside the house, I told him that Grandma died today and that I'm glad we were able to see her before she moved on. He took it better than I thought. He cried a little and said he would miss her. One of his regrets is not being able to thank Grandma "for the toy she gave me."

My child has never attended a funeral and again, I don't know how this will effect my child. Any advice you have is welcomed.

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